No one wants to be the person who is made fun of for caring too much about something, who treats in earnest a situation that everyone else considers absurd. Even in personal relationships, feeling too heavily invested while simultaneously understanding that the other person couldn’t be more detached is one of the most profound feelings of embarrassment we can experience. Because it isn’t simply the embarrassment of making a mistake or a poor choice, it’s a shame over the kind of human being you are and how you see the world around you. To be shamed for your sincerity is to be reminded that you are dependent on something which is not dependent on you — that you are, once again, vulnerable.
Thanks for sharing this, Amy. And no, you’re not weird nor obnoxious nor the only one who struggles with this. Being vulnerable can be a terrifying thing, especially if you’re experiencing it on your own, but I figure I’ll sleep better at night if I don’t hide behind a mask of detachment. At the end of the day I’d much rather make a fool of myself than to miss out on something cool and worthwhile (a conversation, a friendship, a relationship with a piece of media, you name it) because I was too busy making it seem like I didn’t care too much. Of course, sometimes I fail and I do hide, but… I keep trying. So far the effort has paid.